Why Listen to Anything Else When You Can Listen To This?

“The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules…”

--Rob Gordon from Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity”



My love of the mix tape began when I was nine years old. My dad gave me a blank Memorex cassette and told me to record songs off Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 Countdown that he’d like. Toto’s “Africa,” Styx’s “Mr. Roboto,” and Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ “Come On Eileen” (his favorite) all made the cut. This became a Sunday morning ritual.

A couple of years later, I got a radio/tape player for Christmas and started making my own compilations. Adam Ant, Culture Club and Prince were among my playlist regulars. To balance out their eyeliner and pirate shirt androgyny, I’d sprinkle in a few balls-out dirty boys from K-SHE 95’s “Monday Night Metal” show—AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne and Scorpions.

In high school, I graduated to indie and modern rock mixes—primarily created from Les Aaron’s “New Music Sunday.” Oh, there were always a couple of radio hits mingling with them. At any given moment, songs like “Under the Milky Way” and “A Question of Lust” might be followed by “Push It” and “The Humpty Dance.”

Since then, I’ve created a multitude of mix tapes. These evolved to mix CDs—LOTS of ‘em—for birthdays, holidays, barbecues, bachelorette parties, etc. And in recent years, I’ve become somewhat known for my eclectic mixes (at least amongst my friends).

When it comes to the collection of particular tracks, I rarely follow a theme. Usually, I just burn a bunch of songs onto a CD that I’ve been digging lately (and that I think the person I’m making it for would like). I always throw a few wild cards in the mix—say, Nazareth or Nenah Cherry. No matter what makes the cut, though, I have to agree with Mr. Gordon. The making of a great compilation is all about creating a flow—one that allows you to go from Pixies to The Go! Team to The Game to Dilated Peoples to Beck to Michael Jackson to T. Rex—as if these artists were all meant to hang together in the same space.

At this point, you’re probably asking yourself, why is she going on and on about mix tapes? Who gives a shit? Why am I reading this? Where’s my bong?

Well, all of this is leading up to a kick-ass website that I discovered yesterday. If you like mix tapes as much as I do, then you need to check this out IMMEDIATELY. The site is muxtape.com. And its reason for being is the same simple reason you make a mix tape: To share your music with someone else. Only, in this case, you can share it with many people. Granted, this site is pretty bare-bones. No cool graphics or cutting-edge flash intros. No catchy links running along the side or smart-ass comments from satisfied or unsatisfied users. Regardless, I thought it was pretty cool. After all, it’s all about the music, right?

And of course, I made a mix tape on it—which you can check out here*.

*NOTE: My songs might not currently play due to technical errors. They played yesterday. But today, there seems to be a bit of difficulty. I assure you, though, when the über-geniuses at the muxtape.com help desk get the glitch figured out and fixed, be prepared to fill up on MAJOR ear candy. In the meantime, make your own sweet mix.

I Love a Parade

While watching the film version of “Oliver” the other day, I pondered this question: What if LIFE was one, big musical? Frustration could be expressed through a string of melodic expletives. Awkward silences would be filled with beguiling lyrics. Getting a root canal or waiting in line for the bathroom might be more bearable. And at a routine stop at the gas station, if you saw a bum grab his junk while you pumped, you could probably make a pretty catchy song out of it.

No doubt, every day would be entertaining, and you could overcome just about any obstacle. For instance…

1. You’re trying to explain something to someone, and they’re STILL not getting it. Did they ride the freakin’ short bus to school? You put it in a happy, little tune and…FINALLY, it sinks in. NOTE: Sometimes you need to spell it out, as in “Doe. A deer. A female deer. Bitch. A dog. A female dog.”

2. You’re trying to trick a crowd into buying into your crap, and they’re not falling for it. But when you turn it into all-group sing-along, suddenly, you have ‘em eating out of the palm of your hand. (It’s a little creepy, though, if you’re a grown man trying to start an all-boys marching band in a small town. Just sayin’…)

3. You are at a drinking establishment and trying to avoid a previous hook-up: “Shit! He/she saw me!” Now what? Engage the crowd in song, and while everyone is dancing their asses off all Pappy McSlappy with a pint o’ Paulaner in their grimy mitts, you cut out through the side door, easy-peasy.

4. People are much more willing to accept your deep, dark secrets—no matter how embarrassing or controversial—when expressed through song. Like if you’re a [sweet] transvestite. Share it in a splashy, garter belt ‘n’ feather boa-wearin’ number, and…instant moral support!

5. You can sing about anything—even whores—and somehow, it manages to sound somewhat sugary and innocent.

6. Drinking naturally lends itself to singing—which means after you've sucked down a few cocktails, it would be perfectly acceptable—if not ENCOURAGED—to break into robust song so as to share your happiness, albeit temporary, with everyone else around you.

7. You can openly express how you feel about someone without fear of ridicule. Granted, this usually works best if the feeling is mutual. Of course, there’s still a slight risk that you could make an ass out of yourself—in which case, you may find yourself in situation #6, ultimately leading to #11.

8. You can share the salacious details of a liason (without really sharing TOO much) through a series of clever rhyming euphemisms.

9. You can openly discuss plastic surgery you’ve had—from the breast augmentation that’s changed your life to the “angry inch” that remains from your botched penile removal.

10. The most ordinary activities—from bowling to cleaning the chimney sweep—are suddenly injected with a little excitement.

11. You can invite someone to engage in a bit of questionable behavior without sounding like a complete ‘ho. (Okay, you MIGHT sound like a ‘ho.)

12. It’s an effective way to remember someone’s name—although it might be a LITTLE obvious if you immediately break into a song with his/her name in it upon first meeting. (I’d wait until they were out of hearing range.)

13. If you don’t have a GPS in your car, it’s a simple way to remember directions—even if you take same road all the way to your destination. (Like if it’s yellow and brick.)

14. Jazz hands and fan kicks would be just as common as high-fives and flippin’ the bird.

15. Lastly, if something truly excites you, there’s no greater way to express your affection than through song. (Honestly, though, I can’t imagine singing about a parade. They get old after a while. I mean…Shriners and clog dancers and baton twirlers? After the first 10 floats, I’m ready for the after-party. But that’s just me.)